Mean Girls Club

1. Must use "Mistress", Madame", or "Ma'am" at all times.
2. Handcuffed to the shopping cart, while shopping.
3. Handcuffed or tied to a pole outside store. (waiting for Mistress)
4. Handcuffed, hands in front or back, while shopping.
5. Metal cockrings, collars, chains, or leashes when going through airport security.
6. Having him get a good tan while wearing a bra, for later exposure at the beach or while washing the car without a shirt.
7. When at a restaurant, eating in an unusual way; being fed by the Mistress; using your non- dominant hand, no utensils.
8. Forbidden to speak in public.
9. Kneeling and kissing her boots, shoes, feet, or hands, at odd moments.
10. Kneeling, massaging her feet at the mall.
11. One arm tied or cuffed under your shirt. Or cuffed obviously behind you.
12. Pockets cut out of pants, and hands tied or cuffed to your thighs so you can't remove them from the pockets.
13. Binding your cock inside your pants with the string or rope end available to tug on.
14. Wearing a vibrating butt plug, with the controls in your pocket or available for her use. [still dreaming of a source for a remote control plug ;} A Vibrating Beeper was recently suggested]
15. Your right [left?] hand is tied to your cock and balls through a hole in your pocket. Might look like you are playing with yourself.
16. Being forced to masturbate beneath the table cloth while at a restaurant.
17. You both are sitting in a restaurant, dressed completely normal. She hands you a bag of 'stuff' and tells you to go to the restroom and change. You worry that everyone who enters will know what you are doing.
18. You are sitting drinking a beer or apple juice. When the glass is empty, she orders you to take it to the men's room and fill it up. You must return and then consume your "new" beverage with your meal.
19. You must take your beverage to the men's room, masturbate, and cum in the glass/cup. Return and then consume it, This would also work with the special sauce from that famous place.
20. You have to take your panties or underpants off, return to the table and hand them to her. She leaves them on the table in plain view.
21. Female subs in skirts, ordered to remove panties while seated at the table, hand them to the Mistress, then sit with naked ass on the seat.
22. On a special evening, as you travel around in a rented limousine, you are required to masturbate, trying not to be seen by the driver.
23. You are required to masturbate in your panties and continue wearing them, disregarding any spots that may appear.
24. You are diapered, taken out to a restaurant or bar and have to consume a large quantity of liquid, and are not allowed to use the restroom.
25. Traveling by car naked or dressed in lingerie.
26. You are obviously hand cuffed to the car as you travel, or are parked waiting for her to finish shopping. A key can be attached to a thread for emergency purposes.
27. Wearing lipstick or make up so that it appears you have just tried to remove it, but missed some.
28. Having your picture taken in Santa's lap at Christmas time.
29. She hands the controls of your vibrating plug, dildo to another person.
30. Having to show another person what you are wearing beneath the raincoat or cape.
31. Shining her boots at the mall.
32. She spanks you.
33. She slaps you.
34. You have to eat a doggie snack at lunch.
35. You have to kiss the ground whenever you leave a car.
36. You kiss the seat of her chair whenever she stands.
37. Ordering warm milk, or some other almost impossible item, claiming dietary need.
38. You have to eat a bite of something that has had an ash flicked on it.
39. The Mistress takes her female sub into the restroom and performs an on the spot vaginal/rectal examine, attaches a variety of 'toys' or clamps.
40. You are taken on a nature walk, tied to a tree, for a quickie spanking.
41. One hand is cuffed to the chair or table when you are eating.
42. At a cocktail lounge, you have to sit at the bar next to the serving station and you are cuffed to the rail.
43. You are instructed to eat a meal alone, reading a copy of Domination Directory International, other Dominatrix publication, or a transvestite magazine.
44. Smoking long, obviously feminine cigarettes.
45. In a parking lot or similar location, just before you will be safely hidden from spectators, she has you pause and wet yourself. You have to walk the last few yards with wet clothes.
46. On your 'x' anniversary, you renew your wedding vows, this time _you_ are dressed as the bride.
47. When you travel alone, you are required to leave lingerie or stockings drying in the bathroom.
48. You are instructed to buy a halloween maid's costume. Whenever you travel you must leave it hanging in the hotel room along with your regular clothing. Leaving a pair of high heels out would work too.
49. Tape rough felt or very very fine sandpaper inside a shirt over the nipples. Effect should be stimulation, not damage.
50. Reciting all your rules in front of others, at her whim.
51. Temporary "slave" tattoos or other markings, hidden or not.
52. Always walking a foot or two behind her. speeding up to open doors.
53. She pays for everything, with possible comments like "Oh I never allow him to carry money!"
54. If no seats are available, puts you on all fours and sits on your back.
55. Doing some of the "hidden" little things like plugs, nipple clamps, cock rings, in the church of her/your choice.
56. Keeping your legs shaved.
57. Keeping the genitals shaved.
58. Having ribbons/bows braided into the genital hair.
59. Carrying a doll around, brushing its hair, playing with it.
60. When dining out, sub is not allowed to order, is fed little bites from her plate.
61. While she is sitting on a chair, you sit on pool deck beside her, even though there are chairs available next to you.
62. Wear a cock ring with a very long, strong, almost invisible thread attached. She can pull on this anytime. Use it like a leash.

A BIG BLOW TO SIN CITY? -- Jessica Alba says she's typecast because she's only getting offered roles as "whores" and "sexy maids."

The actress, who played a stripper in "Sin City," is suddenly a serious actress and wants parts offered to Natalie Portman. -- Did girlfriend miss the study that said "sexual content on TV is higher than ever (according to the Kaiser Family Foundation)."

Hey Alba, it's time to loosen up that bra, "everybody else is doing it!" -- join that special happy club-for-men!


Hey wait a minute, stop the presses isn't this the same chick that rented: "Latex and Fetish Island," (a spanking video) according to the National Enquirer.
These wannabee serious types; how quickly they turn on you.

Speaking to PageSix.com Alba said: "The scripts I get are always for the whore, or the motorcycle chick in leather, or the horny maid." -- Oh wow, sounds like another "double fisted trouser-rubbing" masterpiece to us here at the bosh.


"I get all those screenplays that start, 'Tawnya is in the shower," She says. "The water streams down her naked, perky breasts.' Somehow, I don't think this is happening to Natalie Portman."

Oh, Waaaah; boo-hoo, please no more perky breasts!


I'm tired of being just another pretty face!


Send me scripts where I'm a doctor saving the world from a bird flu.


NOTE TO ALBA: Wake up and smell the man sausage, spanking is fun!


Okay, here's the deal, honey.


There's an unspoken rule in Hollywood that all "sexy roles" must go to "sexy girls" who get horny the major plotline-- and take a shower with perky breasts: it's how Hollywood gets men to fill movie seats!

Let agree finally that all that "serious acting" with any deep-message must go to Kathy Bates (and please make sure she keeps her clothes on).

It was a normal Tuesday night. I put on my fishnets, short black skirt and trench coat and called a cab. Wait a minute. I’m not a prostitute and this is definitely not a normal night. But on this wonderful evening, a friend and I decided to venture to the Cardinal Bar for its once-a-month Fetish Night. Or maybe I dragged her with me by her hooker boots, but either way, we checked it out.

I have to admit, we were a bit nervous (mainly that the cab driver would actually think we were selling ourselves), but once we arrived at the East Wilson Street bar, we realized we were dressed tamely … and we weren’t in Kansas — or at least not on campus — anymore.

At first glance, there was a schoolgirl, some leather get-ups, a kilt and full-body camouflage … we took a few more slow steps in and WHOA! Two men in one-foot-tall bee-hive wigs, huge bug-eye sparkly sunglasses, fluffy dresses, bling and long gloves chatted happily on bar stools like little girls. They were straight out of the movie Hairspray, but it was like Hairspray on crack.

“Dot” and “Goldie” had a little fetish — and it was dressing drag. The two men — err … “Big-haired sisters!” — made their costumes themselves and found some goods at a second-hand store.

Dot was covered in black and white polka dots all the way down to her polka-dotted high-heeled shoes and socks. Goldie went for the glamorous look with a metallic gold dress with a butterfly on the back and lipstick, which she reapplied multiple times with a little black compact mirror. It took them about an hour and a half to get ready. “We had to shave first!” Goldie said.

My friend and I decided we needed a drink. Now. We walked our conservative fish-netted legs up to the bar and BAM! There was a naked ass on a school night right in front of me! Shocking moment two: the male bartenders wear black thongs and tennis shoes — and that’s all. Cory, the bartender, said he didn’t mind the thong. He’s been doing it for ten years — and he had a very nice butt. He got into the Fetish Night and had some black cat-eye eyeliner on too.

I asked Cory what were some of the craziest things he had seen over the past ten years of bartending. He laughed in my face and kept serving drinks. Apparently, over ten years, he has seen a lot of things he didn’t want to talk about — like the guy who supposedly follows you into the bathroom and asks if he can drink your pee for $500. Lovely. But he did tell me the weirdest costume to walk in the doors of the Cardinal Bar was a guy wearing only a werewolf mask and a two-foot-long dildo. Hey, I think it’s past my bedtime!

Dot and Goldie walked past the bar and moved to the dance floor in their tall wigs and high heels. A couple people gathered around to watch them shake their stuff. The $5 cover, we soon learned, was to prevent too many lame tourists from checking out the Fetish Night action without participating. There were a handful of businessmen still in their suits who walked up the aisle and checked out all the scantily clad people.

“Can I buy you girls a drink?” one of the super-classy men asked as he eyed our fishnets. “How about two? HA!” No thanks dude. “We’re together,” my friend said as she grabbed my hand. There’s a fetish for you, sir.

After getting our drinks, we moseyed our way to the other end of the bar, right between a couple more interesting characters. Meet Marsha. But this wasn’t Marsha Brady — Marsha was a man. A tall, skinny, older man with a fabulous wide-brim black hat, a tight black dress and long, high-heeled legs. I asked Marsha what her fetish was. “Leather. High heels. Corsets. Leather gloves,” she repeated as if it was a grocery list. Can I remind you that Marsha is a man?

I asked her where she found her fashionable ensemble. “The dress is from E-bay! And the hat — Target! Everyone wants to talk about the hat.” Marsha wasn’t just about the looks. She was definitely in touch with her feminine side. I think Marsha, Dot and Goldie reaffirmed my belief that men secretly want to be women — or at least dress like them. I saw too many cross-dressers on Halloween (Dorothy, Mac?) for it to be a coincidence.
Marsha (I really want her hat!) was standing next to an older man in leather pants, a leather vest and a leather hat. Leather Man said the Inferno is where the really crazy Fetish Nights are. As we walked away, he told me to let him know if I see any schoolgirls. “Naughty schoolgirls are a big fetish of mine. I came equipped!” he said while tapping a whip on his hand.

Again with the schoolgirl fetish! It was one of the most conservative outfits at the bar, yet so many guys, old and young, seemed to love it. An older, overweight woman with sagging boobs was wearing a too-short plaid skirt with granny panties and knee-highs and the guys still loved it.

I judged a male beauty pageant on campus Thursday — well, a “male pageant of talent and wit” — and the final question we asked them during their preliminary interviews was “What is your wildest sexual fantasy?” (My favorite answer was the dairy science major whose sexual fantasy involved makin’ some love in the pasture, under the stars.) The schoolgirl fantasy definitely ranked high and was basically considered a given.

On a side note, the rest of the sexual fantasies had to do with more than one girl … all in Catholic school girl uniforms, of course. Getting with more than one girl at a time is like the guy’s Olympic gold medal of sex or something. Doing it with your professor in a lecture hall right before class starts was a fun fantasy, and there was some discussion about having sex on Abraham Lincoln’s lap on Bascom Hill. Has anyone done it before? Supposedly. I’m from The Land of Lincoln, though, so I feel like that would be sacrilegious.

Regardless of the fetish or sexual fantasy, I give the leather-clad and cross-dressing customers credit for displaying their deep desires under the neon lights of the Cardinal Bar. If you want to spice up your Tuesday night next month, check out December’s Fetish Night. And don’t be afraid to dress up … Dot and Goldie won’t judge you.